Finding Faith

The title of this post seems to suggest that I've lost something.  Well, I haven't.  And it's not that I've never had faith, because I have, and I do.  But it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately and trying to reconcile my feelings.

I was raised in a Christian family, but weren't a religious family.  We walked to a church when I was younger that was around the corner from our home.  I loved going to Sunday School and hearing all the bible stories.  In the summer, we attended Bible School.  It felt natural and peaceful and right.

When we moved out of that town, we didn't get to church as often.  My mom, wanting to keep us "in the spirit," would drive my brother and I to Sunday School and then pick us up later.  Sometimes my parents would go, too, but they had a baby to take care of and I think it was hard for them to get us all out of the house looking respectable each week.  
Eventually, we switched to a church in our new town and became part of a new church family.  I loved singing in church, going to Sunday School, and participating in Youth Group, though I don't remember doing any of those things long-term.  I think I even taught a few Sunday School classes when I was in high school, but my memory is shoddy there.

Unfortunately, after high school, I didn't much get to church on a regular basis.  I was busy learning about life in ways I had never known, and I didn't have time.  You know, teenagers - think they know it all.  It wasn't that I had forgotten God, he was just out of my immediate "present." And I pretty much didn't know I could even go to church while I was at college.  I was devoted to the theatre department at that stage in my life.  

Fast forward to my wedding.  Dick and I decided to get married in my old church from when I was a kid.  My pastor from my second church was now retired, but assisting at the first church, and he agreed to marry us.  It was a lovely, traditional church wedding.  Soon afterwards, we returned to that same church to have our twins baptized.  


I wanted our kids to know God and experience that same joy of listening to bible stories, singing in church, and experiencing the love of God, so when they were about 5 we began looking for a church our family would feel comfortable in.  The first church was Methodist (how I was raised), but we never felt comfortable there.  People were kind and

welcoming, but they didn't even remember us from week to week.  We would get greeted with, "Welcome!  you must be new!", when in fact, we had been coming for several weeks.  So we tried elsewhere.  We walked into St Luke's Episcopal in Brockport and immediately felt embraced by this congregation and by Father David.  We were pretty regular for many years.  I taught Sunday School and both Dick and I were Lay readers at one point.  And every Christmas I directed the pageant with all of the kids from the congregation.  It was home.

Father David invited me to help him teach at camp one summer.  We traveled to a Episcopalian camp which held several sessions, but we were assigned to just one week.  It was a new experience to me, and so uplifting to see so many youth and counselors praising the Lord in joyous celebration.  It left quite an impression on me, and I yearned to feel a connection with Christ as I had witnessed others doing.

When Father David left to move to another state, we were devastated, but continued to attend for awhile.  Unfortunately, it wasn't the same, and getting out of bed on a Sunday morning was not easy any more, and eventually we just stopped trying.  The kids were in college and nothing felt right.  

I began to think of church as something manmade and not the house of the Lord.  I have some shame about that.  After all, God is God and He is everywhere, so shouldn't I just buck up and get my sorry butt to church?  Lots of time passed, and we became the "Easter and Christmas" crowd. Now, we don't go at all.  And yes, there is much guilt.

Getting into Young Living, I've been reunited with God.  I have been praying - probably more than I ever did before - and when I ask for guidance, he has answered me in true and unusual ways.  At a rally earlier this year, I entered a few raffles, and out of the blue, I won an "Ancient Oils of the Bible" set.  I was blown away because I thought all of my raffle entries were gone ... In fact, I didn't even know my number was called, and when I

realized it was me, I had NO idea what I had won.  I burst into tears when I saw the box -- and realized God had once again answered my prayer of "Should I be doing this Young Living thing as a business?"  The answer came loud and clear.

As I said, I am praying more often, asking for guidance, praying for others, and giving thanks for all that I have in this world.  It is beginning to feel more natural and comfortable, though I know I have a long way to go ...  I struggle with "the  church," especially when I hear stories of abuse or meet "church goers" who have very distinct opinions or biases about others.  I know the Bible is God's word, but as a critical thinker, I wonder at how much of it was embellished by the writers.  You know, let's just tweak this story or this "law," and people will behave better.  

I believe in the essence of the Word, and that the interpretation is just as it is in anything else you might read.  One person's experience may be different than another's.  The lessons you need to hear will be the ones that come through loud and clear.


At the Diamond Bound conference this past Sunday, I attended the Sunday Service with my roommates.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was glad that they both wanted to go, so I wouldn't be alone.  I would have gone without them ... Well, I would have planned to go, but I know I would have probably not made it a priority, so I was grateful for the push.  The service was a beautiful compilation of songs and faith.  A band played and sang 

hymns of joy, love, and thanks.  Our voices were united as we followed the words on the big screens.  Young Living is a company of faith, so there were many in the room who were certain of their place in His world and you could feel the spirit all around.   It was amazing to experience and be a part of.  Many people raised their arms to the sky, welcoming God's spirit.  There were times I was sobbing, or singing, or even raising my arms -- I wanted to feel all the feels and be a part of this world.

I am trying to keep a gratitude journal and write in it every night with at least five things I experienced each day that made me grateful.  At first it was difficult to think of things, but now, I find myself feeling grateful as it happens - and so these events come pouring out of my pen in the evening, and I can rest easily, thankful for this wonderful world that God has made me a part of.  

I will continue to explore and grow in my faith.  I believe that God is Love, and that if we just appreciate what we have, share with others, and give from the heart, love will be there, too.  And with love, all things are possible.  With God, all things are possible.

PS - If you are on a journey of faith, too, I would love to talk with you.  Maybe share a cup of coffee and our joys, doubts, fears, and other experiences.  

Mindset

Would you be able to recognize yourself?  If someone described you -- not a close friend, but a casual observer -- would you recognize the "you" they see?

I consider myself pretty in tune with who I am, but recently, I was startled to hear myself described as "insecure."  I wasn't so much startled about the statement, as it was no revelation to me that I am, indeed, insecure.  But the fact

that someone else saw that in me was scary.  I don't want to be seen as insecure, so the fact that this was a key word in describing me means I have to start sucking it up and putting more confidence into my everyday persona.

But how many of us are truthful in our own self-assessment of who we are and how we come across to others?  One area in particular that I think many have difficulty with is in recognizing their mindset.  We all like to think we are open to anything that comes our way, but are we really?  Do we accept others or judge?  If we're honest, I bet we all judge just a little bit before we catch ourselves.  We like to compare ourselves to others, hoping we measure

up in a more favorable light than those around us.  "I'm smarter ... prettier... thinner ... kinder... than so-and-so."  It boosts our egos.  But if we're assessing fairly, we aren't as good as we think we are when we're judgmental, right?

I guess the prompt for this post today is the fact that so many people judge and dismiss something, thinking they know the facts, and yet, they really don't know anything at all.  No, I'm not talking about our current political situation.  

Hey, I'm insecure, remember?  I'd never step out of my

comfort zone to actually post anything political!  Too many people to piss off, and hey, I may not agree with you, but I think we both have the right to our own opinions.  You're still a good person and so am I.  No, I'm talking about people who decide that essential oils are a waste of time and don't really do anything for the body -- but they've never tried them.  They've never given them a chance, because if they did, they wouldn't be walking away.  Now, I haven't talked directly about essential oils for a while, so bear with me!

Some people make decisions based on what they think are the facts, but they are really just the perceived impression.  Often that perception is prompted by other things going on in our lives.  I don't have the money for essential oils, so therefore, they don't work.  Done.  Now I don't have to feel guilty for not giving them a try.  I get it.  We've probably all done that, but when we do, we're not being honest with ourselves.  Let's try to base our decisions on real facts, and not just those that are convenient for us.

Going back to the "expensive" argument, (and I would argue that they aren't expensive, considering all things), even if they were, what price is too much for something that will change your life and keep your body healthy?  If you had a vitamin or a medication that could enhance your wellness and keep you healthy into old age, what price would you pay?  Heck, what price wouldn't you pay?   If someone you

loved had a serious disease and you had a remedy that would help, wouldn't you do anything you could to save that person?  So, it's not a point of cost in reality.  It's a point of belief, and that goes back to mindset. Essential oils are preventative medicine, at a cost that doesn't come close to what you'll pay if you truly get sick.

I believe a healthy attitude of acceptance is crucial in this world.  With so many people having vastly different cultures, lifestyles, and opinions, we can only survive if we grow and change with the times.  We need to accept differences and not dwell on them with negativity.  Who's to say that our way is the right way?  Is there a right way?  Probably not.  And yet, probably so.  The right way is the that works for you.  But live and let live, right?  

So, if you've judged essential oils (or me) unfairly, I ask that you give them a second try.  There is so much to learn and so many different oils to try.  Not one person in this world could not benefit from using these natural wonders.  And just think of all the money you'll be saving when you don't  need to call the doctor.  

Not a Nike Ad ... but JUST DO IT!

It's Wednesday evening, and once again I'm staring at a blank screen trying to gather some coherent thoughts about what to write here this week.  I have ideas throughout the week, but they are only half-baked, so to speak.  And because they are half thoughts and not developed, they don't stick with me.  Such is age, I suppose.  My mind is not as sharp as it once was, although it is better since I starting taking Mindwise everyday.

So, what to spout about this week?  Self care.  Since I've been taking care of my mom for the past week, I hear myself telling her, "You just have to ..." and I think, "If only she changed _______."  I shake my head at myself.  It's a bit ironic, and somewhat hypocritical, right?  Here I am, overweight and feeling my own aches and pains.  Do I know how to make myself thinner, stronger, and experience less pain?  Sure I do.  Then WHY don't I do it?

Ah, if I could answer that question, I'd be a billionaire!  It's true, isn't it?  We all know exactly what we should do, but we don't always follow through.  Maybe we try, but the work is too tough and the results are too slow.  Maybe it's that we think we are not that bad, or that we have time, or we look at others and say, "At least I'm not like that."  Lots of excuses to keep us from doing what we should be doing to improve our health and wellness.  

I think for me, a lot of the time I think I'm "safe" because I use essential oils.  They have changed my life and have helped me to live healthier and experience more wellness, but I doubt they can save me from a donut - yet, I still believe I'm better because of them.  

Similarly, I think a lot of people make choices based on their lifestyles and preferences, but make excuses about other elements of their life.  For example, "I eat an extremely healthy diet, so having 4-5 glasses of wine/beer won't hurt me."  Or, "I run 10 miles a day, so I deserve this grande pumpkin latte."  Unfortunately, one does not excuse the other, but I know that's the way we sometimes think.

So, how do we get to where we want to be?  Here are my six steps that I plan to implement as soon as .... Okay.  OKAY!  Tomorrow!  But just like Chutes and Ladders, if you slide down the chute, there will always be another ladder to climb to continue working on the goal.  Only YOU are the only one playing, so if you keep with it, eventually, you will win!

Step 1:  The answer is to first acknowledge the problem.  If you go out on the weekend and drink 5, 6, 8 beers ... there is a problem.  You might not even be aware that it is a problem, but the continual damage to your liver is something you don't want to have to deal with down the line.  

I have a food problem.  I don't drink my calories (though a couple of glasses of wine a week may accompany a dinner), but I eat fast and tend to eat too much.  (Ask my mother.  She's been scolding me

this week.)  Yes, CHEW thoroughly!  I know, but it's a habit I've had since I was a kid.  And I love sugar.  I have been pretty good about not buying sweets, but if you put it in front of me, I am not going to say no!    I also don't make time for exercise.  I feel I don't have extra time, and that may or not be true, but only because it is not yet a priority for me.    Okay.  There.  Problem defined.

Step 2:  What are those hard steps you need to take to start yourself on a positive journey to solve your problem?  Think about all the ways in which you fail yourself, and break them down so that you can change a negative into a positive.

My short list:

• Slow down and chew your food!
• Take smaller portions.
• Get up after you eat a reasonable amount.  (Did you ever not feel particularly "full" and then stand up from the table to feel like your belly was going to bust?  UGH!)
• Drink a glass of water before sitting down to eat.
• Don't buy trigger foods!  (Just say no!)
• Check online menus before you hit a restaurant to decide on a healthy choice, so you won't be tempted once you get there to order something more decadent!
• Minimally, get 20 minutes of exercise in a day - take a walk, stretch, yoga, go up and down the stairs, etc.  Just 20 minutes to start, and then let the time increase when you can.

Step 3:  Create a goal.  How will you know you've arrived if you haven't decided where you're going?  You need to firmly establish your main goal, along with a few minor goals that will help you achieve the big one.  Be specific, and revisit them often.

My Goals:

• Biggie - Lose 60 pounds
• Lose 5 pounds the first week
• Lose at least 1 pound each week after that.

• Baby goals:
• Eat a green salad at least 5 times a week for a month.
• Go for a walk 3 times a week for the first two weeks.
• Go for a walk 5 times a week thereafter.
• Eat dinner by 7pm
• Eat breakfast every day!
• Plan out meals for the week - breakfast, lunch, and dinner - so there are no excuses and "oh well, I have to eat something" type of meals!

Step 4:  Tell your family and friends what you are doing and what support you need.  You don't need a well-meaning friend to save you a donut from the staff meeting when you're trying to stave off sugar!  

Hey Dad, Don't offer me Pepperidge Farm Coconut cake any more, okay?  I can't say no!  
Honey?  Stop using cheese and tons of oil/butter when you cook.  Give me salads and veggies!  And if you bring chips into the house - hide them, please!
Friends, ask me to go for a walk!  

Step 5:  Keep positive!  You will always have set-backs, but one mistake doesn't mean you've failed.  Get back on the horse.  Don't eat like one!

I've ordered a pretty, antique-looking journal to use as a gratitude journal.  I want to write in it every day - setting a time aside to count my blessings and be happy for minor successes as well as the big stuff.  I think this will help me keep things in perspective, and to focus on what is going right.

Step 6:  Celebrate small successes!  Do something fun or meaningful to celebrate what is going right.  It can be with a friend, or you can celebrate all on your own, but do acknowledge your hard work and progress!  (Just don't do it with a donut!)

For my minor successes, I will do something fun with my hubby, or buy something new (like a scarf or socks that will fit me even when I lose weight!).  

As I start to hit bigger goals, I will allow myself to buy a new outfit in a smaller size, and donate a few things that don't fit, or give them away.

Okay, so I guess I wrote this mostly for myself, but now you're all my witnesses.  But, if you're like me and always striving to improve, just maybe this has helped you a little, too.    If you've read this far, leave me a comment and cheer me on in my journey to improve!

Through A Daughter's Eyes ...

Many of you who know me, know that I've been in Florida a couple of times in the past two weeks.  I'm writing this from a hotel room in Jacksonville, a few miles from the Mayo Clinic.  This has been my mom & dad's second home every sixth months for my mother's bi-yearly check-ups, and for several surgeries in the past few years.

Mom had a single lung transplant 15 years ago, and she likes to brag about being a survivor.  I don't consider it bragging, so much as cheering.  You see, not too many people last that long with a lung transplant.  Sometimes, I think it her sheer will to survive that has gotten her this far.  That, and many prayers and the grace of God.  She is my hero.

So, her latest crisis was another bout of skin cancer.  The cancer is caused by a reaction to her anti-rejection meds.  Now, as much as I hate medications, this is a much-needed one, and probably one of the main reasons for her success.  Yet, for as much as it has kept her going, it has also torn her apart.

She began to have small patches of skin cancer on her

face about five years ago.  Moh's surgery was done in the office to remove the patches and all would be well.  Three years ago, there was so much, the technician had to go deeper and deeper, and a portion of her nose was removed.  Further surgery was needed to remove a bit more, and then she went through plastic surgery to help "regrow" a nose on one side of her face.  This was done with a forehead flap, a procedure where they take a strip of skin from her forehead, and without fully removing it from the base, twist it around and suture it to help form a nose.

Mom was never fully satisfied with this "nose," as it didn't quite take at the tip and she was very self-conscious.  Unfortunately, the reason it didn't take was because there was still cancer in the area, and a year later, she had to have intensive surgery to remove the new cancer.  This took off the same side of her nose, and more into her cheek.  Six months later, she was fitted with a prosthetic, but was never quite satisfied with the look.  It had to be put on "just right," and even then, she was self-conscious about it and resorted to wearing a bandaid most of the time.

Fast forward another year to this August, and she decided to visit her first plastic surgeon, who was with her at the Mayo three years ago, but has since moved his practice to Tennessee.   It was not an easy trip, and when the doc

examined her, he put off the surgery to have more testing done.  The worst news came back as new cancer had been discovered - deeper and more pervasive.  There was a lot of doubt whether or not they would be able to operate and get all of it out ...  I was in panic mode for the rest of the summer and couldn't think about my sweet mamma without crying.

The decision was made to go back to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville to have the surgery.  It is closer to their home, and they were familiar with the doctors there and the area.  Plus, her transplant team could keep an eye on her.  I made the decision to spend my last week of the summer with my parents so we could have quality time together and not worry about the upcoming surgery.

I returned to Jacksonville after working the first week of school so that I could be with Mom and Dad for the surgery.  My brothers were both stuck and couldn't leave work, so I represented.

I won't go into the fatigue of waiting all day on Tuesday, but get to the good news.  The doctor came out and told us that everything went extremely well.  He got all of the cancer and did biopsies along the way which came back negative.  He also began the plastic surgery for reconstruction of her nose.  She will have several phases of reconstruction, but the goal is to give her a new nose/face, and then she can stop hiding behind her bandaid.

Mom's transplant allowed her to live 15 more years so far -- enough time to see both her sons married, and her

granddaughter, as well!  She also got to see her third grandchild born, celebrated her 75th birthday with friends an family, and her 50th wedding anniversary - plus another 8 (almost) since then.  The medical miracles and amazing doctors at the Mayo Clinic have given us this joy, and so, for as much as I dislike medication and Rx pushing doctors, we have been blessed to have her in our
lives.

I can't tell you how relieved and grateful I am that she continues to be a survivor.  There is still a lot of work to be done, but I thank God that we can continue to enjoy her grace, beauty, and love for that much longer.

And I've been hearing that I'm a "good daughter" being here with my parent.  Where else would I be?  Yes, I came down to help, but I'm not supporting mom.  She is supporting me.  She's my rock.

What's Up Doc?

I find myself in conflict a lot these days.  Since I've made a commitment to toxin-free living, whenever someone mentions the words, "doctor" or "medicine," I feel the urge to scream, "NO!"  But the conflict comes because I don't really have anything against doctors OR medications.  Well, not a lot ...

My conflict comes because I feel we are an over-medicated society of Ozonians who believe everything the Wizard - or, uh, the good doctor, says.  Now, I know some doctors, and yes, they are quite intelligent and very knowledgeable.  But they are not wizards, and they are not God.  We tend to hang on their every word because, let's face it, they know a lot more about disease and medication than most of us.  

But, they don't know as much about natural healing or nutrition, or anything else that isn't in their medical books.  They're training in nutrition is often limited to one obligatory course.  In that way, I find that many doctors have a fixed mindset.  They know what they know because that's what they've been taught - but they don't always strive to find alternate answers.  I find that to be on the brink of malpractice.  

Imagine a doctor who, (maybe to save face), has the answers for just about any malady you may suffer from.  They are very sensitive and empathetic when they discuss your condition and your options, but unfortunately, they answer just the same for any patient with that condition.  It's what they know, so because they are "The Doctor," they have to come up with the answer.  After all, you're paying them big bucks to be the expert.  So, how often do you think that answer is based on YOU and your lifestyle and your individual pain point?  I don't have the answer, but it would seem that many would not look much further than their old med school books -- and who knows how out of date they might be?

Now, I know there are many good doctors - excellent doctors who really get to know their patients and keep up with all of the latest research.  If you have someone like that - bravo!  But I believe a really good doctor will look beyond themselves to examine not only the treatment, but also the cause.  Why treat someone if you haven't addressed the "why?" Most likely, that person will end up back in the same condition.

Onto pharmaceuticals ...  There are SO many unnecessary meds out there -- along with the essential drugs that keep people alive.  We, as a society, have grown to rely too fully on the medical experts and pharmaceutical companies to cure, fix, treat, or lessen the pain for anything and everything that ails us.  But in using many of these medications, we are subjecting ourselves to synthetic chemicals and compounds that our bodies are not meant to process.  It's no wonder that we need drugs to treat the side effects of other drugs.  Is that crazy, or what?

And what about the doctors who push certain drugs because the pharmaceutical companies reward them for prescribing their new wonder drug?  Is that even ethical?

I think the change has to come from us.  No, I'm not saying that we stop going to the doctor, or stop using medications. I'm saying we need to be proactive and ask questions.  Is this medication really necessary?  Or will some lifestyle changes or the removal of bad habits help to improve the situation naturally?  We've gotten lazy and complacent.  
We also need to check out natural remedies -- things that won't wreak havoc on our bodies.  Yes, sometimes that's the only choice, but sometimes it's just the easy choice and alternative methods would be so much better, albeit harder.

Yes, I'll say it again.  Change it hard.  But if we want doctors to become better healers, we need to hold them accountable for more than just the prescription pad.  




Update:  Within minutes of coming in the room at my check-up this past Friday, my doctor was pushing drugs.  For real?  
1.  Know your patients!
2.  Let's try natural remedies, first!  
Shaking my head -- and my finger!  Shame on you!